Coming Out Of the Haze

After a few days of eating right, sleeping and NOT drinking, I was beginning to come out of the haze I'd been in...slowly.  I found that I was so used to isolating, I was now resisting invitations to "socialize."  

When I say socialize, I mean to attend self-help groups.  I barely remember the first few groups.  Right now, I am trying to think of something we discussed or did.  Oh, I remember that we stood and did simple exercises, like rolling our shoulders and swinging our arms.  And when I say "we", I mean everybody else, and me a little bit, when I wasn't dizzy.

By this time, I honestly think that the alcohol was mostly out of my system.  I felt the light-headed-ness and wobbly knees were due to the damned meds.  Why the hell I had to feel so drugged-up, I still didn't get.  I was already sick of it.

By the time evening rolled around, one of the nurses poked her head into my room.  "Grace, do you feel like going to an AA meeting?"  

"Not really."  She strongly suggested that maybe I should go.  Dammit!  I wanted to be alone.  But I went to the meeting.

It turned out that the other three people attending the meeting were more out-of-it than me.  I couldn't believe it.  Wow.  And I thought I was fucked up.  

I listened to a young guy tell his story of addiction.  I vaguely remember it, but I didn't fall asleep, so I figured I was making progress.  Another woman around my age told a story I could more closely relate to, and I began to perk up a little.

They both had attended a local in-patient treatment program.  All I could think was how much I needed something like that, but how expensive it probably was.

The next morning, a hospital liaison called my insurance company.  I was covered for their 28-day treatment program.  I decided that was what I needed and wanted to do.  

By dinner time, I was settling into my new digs.  I had only my purse, cell phone, a few t-shirts, sweat pants and pajama pants, some underwear and socks, and my tennis shoes. Oh, and that pack of Marlboro Reds, bought during the "last hurrah."  And for the record, nobody was saying "hurrah" during my last days of drinking.  

After a brisk shower and a quick dinner, we were whisked off to an AA speaker meeting. 
Thank God it was a speaker meeting.  All I had to do was sit there and listen.  At the end, we said the Lord's Prayer.  

I had so much to be grateful for.