You've Benzo Good To Me

Benzodiazipines, (or "Benzos" as I came to know them) are the most commonly prescribed depressant medications in the United States today.  I was given Valium while I detoxed from alcohol.  I didn't like it one bit.


For one thing, because of my elevated blood pressure, they dosed me frequently.  I felt like I was being over-medicated.  My second day in the Detox wing, I slept for nearly 3 hours in the afternoon, and when I woke up, they told me it was time for my Valium.  


Really?  Seriously?  I told the nurse I didn't want it, because I just woke up from what felt like a coma.  "Okay," she said, "but if your BP goes up..." Yeah, blah, blah, blah.  


I wanted what was best for me, but I wanted to be conscious.  I mean, wasn't that a point of getting sober, to NOT feel totally fucked up?  On the other hand, I did let them take my BP frequently.  I mean, I didn't wanna seize either...

I also wanted to eat.  Oh, God, how I wanted food! 

When I was drinking, I was always broke.  I wasn't earning a lot of money, and was barely getting by.  And alcohol is not cheap.  I was having a lot of stomach problems, so I wasn't eating right.


But in the hospital, I got three hot meals a day, and the food was really good.  Also in between meals, we had snacks - half sandwiches, cheese, apples, yogurt and lots of juice - that was available around the clock.  I was refueling at a healthy pace, and I needed it.  It felt so good to have food to eat.   And it was such a relief to finally be putting my dirty little not-so-secret behind me, one hour at a time.


I took a walking tour around the ward.  Down the hall, there was a neon red sign on the door to another patient's room.  "Fall Risk" is what it said.  WTF?  Through the door, I saw a guy pulling himself up using a walker.  I thought he must have had surgery of some sort.  I could see that he had a huge abrasion on the side of his face.  I found out later that he had fallen while in a blackout from drinking.  Wow.  


Another woman had a swollen face and  two black eyes.  I assumed that someone beat the crap out of her, perhaps an abusive spouse.  She had actually fallen and hit her head on a curb while drunk.

I was beginning to realize just how lucky I was to have walked myself into the hospital.  


I felt so grateful to have taken this step, and to be participating in my treatment plan.  I would continue to monitor the administration of my meds closely.   I was scared shitless of pills.  I wanted off the damned things ASAP.

But right now, I wanted some vanilla Yoplait yogurt and another string cheese.